he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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