If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
