Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
