i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I need moral support for this bender
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I touched a dick in church today
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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