I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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