I wish I could teleport
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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