The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
even my farts smell like vagina
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
