So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
