made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I could fuck to npr.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
