sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
