Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
