I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
