All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
