Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
