Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
