When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
