The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
