Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
