one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
