Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
My ATM looks so different sober.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
