I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
