So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
