Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
