Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
