Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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