I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
