I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize