She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
