butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My life is pants optional.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
