when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
