Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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