i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize