dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
