and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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