He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize