Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
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