Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
