woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
