i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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