I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
