ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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