I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
