i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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