You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
