im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize