I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
