U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
