Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
