I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
