3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
