watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
