she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
