Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
