he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
