Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
