some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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