Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Of course I have a pirate flag
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
