Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
my shit smells like andre
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
