Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Randomize
