It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize