And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize