Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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