I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
is wine microwaveable?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
