Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
