Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
