My brain says no but my pants say off.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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